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Bachelor in Paradise 9 Premiere Snark and Highlights

-Bachelor in Paradise is back. I haven’t seen this show in years, but it seems like nothing has changed except for the host.

-Rachel R. from Clayton’s season and her dual season with Gabby is the first to enter the beach.

-Brayden from Charity’s season is also on, complete with a collection of earrings and accessories that rival anything seen in Claires/Afterthoughts in the nineties. Whatever happened to Afterthoughts, anyway, other than becoming an afterthought.

-Kylee was on Zach’s season. I didn’t watch that one, so I have no clue what she is like. She has the hots for Aven, whomever that may be….I guess the Rachel/Gabby season? I only began watching again on Charity’s season.

-Aaron B. from Charity’s season is also back.

-Mercedes is back without Henry the pig.

-Sean aka the Ken doll is hoping being a Swiftie will help his game. Or give him game, I don’t know.

-Jess G is still all about the sparkle like she was on Zach’s season.

-Will from Michelle’s season thinks he is getting old so he needs to find love.

–Brooklyn from Zach’s season is nervous about seeing Kat.

-Kat is not ready for the heat and bugs….so why is she there?

-Blake from Clare/Tayshia and Katie’s seasons hopes to really, really, no kidding, he really means it this time, find love.

-Everyone mingles as they arrive on the beach and of course there is drama once Brayden arrives since Sean and Aaron hate him. However, the snark from them can rival the two old guys from the Muppets.

-Brayden immediately becomes a hit with the ladies.

-Eliza arrives….and I have no clue who she is since she was on one of the seasons I never watched.

-Okay, she was on Clayton’s season and the last BIP.

-Sean is smitten with Eliza and goes to make a move, but she is more interested in seeing her friends.

-Brooklyn is also back and is happy to see her friends….but it seems like the feeling is NOT mutual.

-The use of the word vibe can rival the use of F bombs on My Cousin Vinny.

-Aaron and Eliza seem to be forming a connection.

-Sam is from Clayton’s season and left randomly on night one….for no reason? Did I get that right?

-Olivia is also on this season and Will is ready to shoot his shot. It works and somehow we get into some weird foot fetish stuff.

-Jess sparkles in and Sean is thrilled to get to know her better because she is a Swiftie….and he is a Swiftie…..or so they say. The captions say otherwise.

-Blake arrives and the ladies are smitten.

-Jesse explains the rules….find love or go home….seriously, those are the rules.

-The men hand out the roses tonight.

-Everyone mingles in hopes of finding a connection.

-Will got the first kiss of the season, which upsets Kylee and leads to drama with the two of them and Olivia…who was the one who kissed him.

-Date Card! Kylee gets is and has to choose someone who will set her love ablaze. She has no idea who to choose because she refused to be a part of a love triangle. In the end, she chooses Will, because of course she does.