The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Snark and Highlights for 12/12/2023

-It’s Monica’s birthday!

-Do they really need to fight and talk smack about each other at a birthday party?

-Heather and Whitney’s problems are far from over…..it is so obvious.

-Everyone is wearing such cute pjs.

-The breakfast looks so delicious. Now I want quiche.

-Monica is Queen for a Day for her birthday…..okay then!

-I have no idea what Linda is doing, but it is only making things worse for Monica.

-Lisa is meeting Monica’s family? When did they become friends again?

-We have had Puppy Gate, Blow Job Gate, Scandoval, Brandi Gate, Thank You Gate…..and now Mafia Gate. These rumors and scandals are getting more and more wild by the season.

-Meredith must be really bored or really well connected to have all these rumors/information in her arsenal.

-There is a Mormon rap? I am learning all sorts of things tonight!

-Jonathan the driver dude seems so weirded out that they are talking about Heather’s daughter’s sex life…..as am I. Who the hell asks something like that?

-Jet skiing looks fun, but not in a Versace jumpsuit.

-Kit Kats are good for allergies? What?

-Why is Monica suddenly breaking down?

-Linda told the family not to meet with Monica? That is really crappy, but maybe she is better off since the whole thing seems so toxic.

-Monica lost her shoe? WTF is this episode?

-I am glad Lisa is seeing that Linda is toxic and horrible to Monica and that the girls are being so supportive.

-At least the beach picnic with Bermuda fish sandwiches looked fun.

-Marry, F, Kill Husband Edition is such a bad idea for a game.

-I think we ALL have Idris Elba on our lists.

-Okay, so let’s ruin Monica’s already crappy birthday by bringing up Mafia Gate for no apparent reason….come on, Lisa, you couldn’t wait until tomorrow?

-Does Angie’s bikini match Lisa’s jumpsuit?

-This episode seems so weird…I can’t make heads or tails of any of it.

-Did Heather call Ashley to tattle on her friends about them asking about her sex life and then tell her she hopes she has good sex? Is this some kind of improv Mad Libs episode?

-Who wants to bet that Meredith hired some randos to send the DMs and tell Monica to see how she would react?

-Why do these women share their drama with their young daughters? It seems…..odd.

-Why does Lisa never dress up for these events? She should be having fun and not a stick in the mud with these themes.

-Whitney mistaking a G-string for an eye patch is so on brand for her.

-The restaurant for the pirate dinner looks gorgeous!

-I love my best friends more than anything in the world, but we never ask each other the last time we had sex.

-Is Heather sex shaming them because she isn’t married? Why is she clutching her pearls over sex when she was all free and open about it prior?

-Are Heather and Monica having a pissing contest over who is more single?

-Monica is having such a crappy birthday–her family disses her and she is told to shut up?

-Whitney–the food is good. Let’s not play any more games. She is the voice of reason.

-Angie bringing up the Mafia Gate rumor and attacking Meredith over dinner is so crappy. Can they at least let Monica enjoy part of her birthday?

-Who trusts some rando who sends a DM on social media? I get stupid DMs all the time and know they are bullshit.

-How is Meredith always behind knowing about these DMs? Is she hiring someone to send them? Is it the same person who did the Jen Shah DM stuff last season?

-Lisa is REALLY pissed at Meredith and calling her out for all the stuff she allegedly knows.

-I’d hide behind my napkin too if I had to deal with this drama.

-Cosmin the poor waiter is going to need some serious pot or beer or something after dealing with these women.

-Inspector Gadget, Superheroes and Harry Potter references in one sentence…..WOW.

-Lisa has a cyber security dude/Geek Squad in Armani and seven lawyers? I would love to know the story behind this.

-A boondoggle of deceit is my new favorite phrase.