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The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Finale Snark and Highlights for 1/2/2024

-This news better be big and not a whole lot of nothing the way it was with the black eye last season.

-I always love when they do the rewind to before the ‘epic’ news is revealed.

-The staff at the resort seem so nice. I’d love to spend time with them and stay with them.

-Whitney’s manicure is…..a choice. It reminds me of coloring on my nails with markers when I was six.

-Why is Whitney wearing full Barbie makeup in bed?

-Did Whitney approve what Heather said or not? Also, why would Heather write about the photoshoot anyway? What does it have to do with being a good Mormon, a bad Mormon or any kind of Mormon? It seems like a change of career story and Whitney was her client. It seems like a big who cares story! It seems like a why the hell tell it in the first place story!

-Seriously though, WHY would Heather write about this and why would Whitney agree to having it written about?

-The sheep bahhh-ing and asking about being called a bitch was probably my favorite moment of the season.

-Is it just me, or are the shopping trips boring to watch?

-Getting a card declined is so embarrassing.

-Monica buying people everything is…..something. It seems like she is trying to buy their friendship.

-I like how we keep seeing randos running around as Heather is on the phone.

-They just cut to them with glam squads? HEADDESK!

-The dolls have returned.

-Heather, sweetie, darling…..only Robert Stack, Steve French and Dennis Farina are allowed to talk about Unsolved Mysteries because, they you know, hosted the show/podcast. Your Unsolved Mysteries talk didn’t work.

-This game is so stupid….they are basically fighting over stuff they all already knew.

-Will the real Monica please stand up?

-Heather is taking a long time channeling Rinna to get her point across. Just spit it out already!

-Monica is not their friend and making money off their pain…..she is……and we cut to Heather on the beach with the OG girls.

-Heather….we took less time planning D-DAY!

-Monica schemed and manipulated her way into the friend group is not who she says she is, she is Reality (Von)Tease, who trolled the women and snitched on Jen!

-Heather knows all this because of her friend and hairstylist Tenesha, who is a former friend of Monica’s.

-She exposed everything by oversharing. Then there were three accounts for Monica with unpaid bills….and she set up the DMs with Meredith….did I get that all right?

-Wait, wait, wait….Monica more or less admitted to trolling by joking about it?

-Tenesha was in on this fake account? Or just knew about it?

-Whomever Heather used to confirm the account….thank you.

-I don’t understand….HOW did Monica get the inside, behind the scenes information? From Tenesha? Overhearing stuff? I am so confused.

-Monica seems to not give a single fuck that she got caught.

-It isn’t entirely true….what?

-Did Monica steal the clutch when she was with Jen? I did NOT see that coming.

-The poor people by the doors…..

-This account was all to take down Jen Shah? Who were the other people involved?

-Angie was also corresponding with Reality (Von)Tease?

-Meredith putting a blanket around Whitney as she screams at Monica is oddly cute.

-TENESHA STARTED THE ACCOUNT?

-What is happening right now? What did Monica do? Just expose Jen and everyone else did stuff to other women?

-Everything is bleeped out….and I have no clue what is happening…..

-Heather is still ride or die for Jen?

-JEN GAVE HEATHER THE BLACK EYE?

-I never gasped more than I did in one episode of this franchise ever.

-Monica knew all of this would come out….and gives no fucks.

UPDATES:

-Heather is raising her three girls….talking about love, life and not sex.

-Whitney is working on her marriage with Bobbi driving her around.

-Lisa is spending time with Henry.

-Angie is not working on her marriage and her daughter sleeps in her bed.

-Meredith has a Jacuzzi.

-Monica says there is more to the story and we will all want to hear it. She isn’t speaking to the women or her mother. Her divorce is finalized and she is raising her girls.

-A note to the other franchises….TOP THAT!

-Reunion next week. Stay tuned.

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