The Bachelor Recap for March 5, 2018

Hello and welcome to The Bachelor finale on ABC. This promises to be the most epic, dramatic season finale ever, but they say that every season, so unless Arie is a Men in Black alien or someone is pregnant, I won’t really be impressed.

OMG, not the Phil Donahue-esque finale with a live audience. Speaking of which, what the heck happened to that dude? They should totally get him on Dancing With The Stars….maybe a talk show season with him, Sally Jessy Raphael, Jenny Jones, Maury Povich and then have Jerry Springer and Geraldo return to compete for a redemption.

Anyway, Arie looks back on his journey with both women and talks to his parents about the ladies. I can’t believe this poop-storm is going to be three hours and another two hours tomorrow. I’m lucky I found pineapple rum and some vodka left over from my Psych party and New Year’s Eve, respectively. (Shout out to Eric for my vodka and shout out to the random liquor store that sells cheap AF rum.)

Lauren’s Meet The Parents: She meets the parents and it is pretty much the exact same date he had with her parents with wine, dinner and talking, except it is in Peru.

Random note, am I the only one who couldn’t pronounce his last name until his sister-in-law said it just now?

Lauren talks to his dad about her concerns and previous engagement. They will overcome, or so she thinks. She also tells his mom she worries about losing him.

Arie thinks he has to keep reassuring her, which is one of his biggest worries.

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Becca’s Meet The Parents: It’s pretty much the same as Lauren’s date. However, his parents seem to have more reservations because they liked Lauren so much. They even talk about Lauren to Becca,which is, beyond bizarre.

OMG, this is beyond annoying and dumb.

Back to the live show. Caroline rips Arie a new one about how he treated both girls. She doesn’t think he knows what he wants.

Lauren’s Last Date: It is a private train ride with making out and quality time together. I admit, the view is gorgeous, but the date is incredibly boring.

Again, we return to the live show, this time with Bekah and Sienne. Sienne hopes that the rumors aren’t true and will be disappointed if they are….but hopes he makes the right decision. Bekah thinks he should wait to propose if he is this conflicted.

Becca’s Last Date: They are in the rain, walking and people watching. There is also shopping and making out involved and again, it is incredibly boring.

OMG, I just can’t with this today…..

I pretty much fell asleep during that date.

Jason and Ben H. talk during the live show and they both tell him to own it and face the consequences.

Arie gets the ring and then it is time to propose.

Lauren declares her love for him, but he tells her he can’t go through with it. She is heartbroken and confused.  They both leave in tears. She feels blindsided and betrayed.

Becca arrives to meet Arie and declares her love for him. He responds by getting down on one knee and proposing.  He gives her the final rose and they celebrate.

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UPDATE: He loves his time with Becca, but can’t stop thinking about Lauren. He decides to risk it all and break up with Becca to see where things go with Lauren.

Arie talks things over with Chris and goes to break up with Becca.

The two meet up and he basically tells her it is over and he is going to give Lauren another chance to see if it will work out.

Becca is blindsided, heartbroken and pissed. This goes on for way longer than needed and I am heartbroken for poor Becca.

She kicks him out and goes into her room to be alone. She cries as he stays a bit, holding the ring.  He tries to check on her, but she tells him to leave. He keeps coming back, but she won’t let him say anything.

Becca finally lets him in to talk and it’s basically a rehash of the past 45 minutes.

OMFG, JUST PUNCH HIM!! Every woman in America has your back in this moment!

Becca is finally on the live show and she shares her heartbreak with Chris.

There will be more tomorrow. Stay tuned.

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