The Bachelor: Recap for Janaury 1, 2088
Happy New Year and welcome to Arie’s season of The Bachelor on ABC. In case you’re new to the show, Arie is the racer dude who was on Emily’s season of The Bachelorette, made it to the final 2, only to get dumped by one-F-Jef. This is recapped in the first fifteen minutes of the show, long with him meeting Sean and Catherine for advice on being The Bachelor, because why not? We are also reminded that he is the best kisser on the show. I’ll take their word on it.
Meet The Ladies Videos:
Chelsea is a single mom who is comforted by Arie being the Bachelor because, yeah, I am always comforted by reality stars who are dating 28 other women on TV… at the same time.
Caroline is a realtor who thinks Arie is a stud.
Manuel is a photographer who is ready for love.
Nysha jumps out of planes.
Tia is from Wiener, Arkansas and BFF with Raven from Nick’s season and BIP.
Kendall is a taxidermist.
Beckah-with-a-kah is a nanny and looks like Snow White from Once Upon A Time.
Marikh is a boxer and owns an Indian restaurant.
Krystal is a fitness coach.
Chris Harrison wishes him luck and we watch the ladies come out of the limo.
Caroline seems to think it is necessary to channel Six from Blossom with her fast talking.
Chelsea can’t wait to get to know him.
Kendall was super nervous.
Sienna gives him elephant cufflinks.
Tia is so excited and she can’t hide it—or her Wiener, which she gives him to hold….an Oscar Meyer one, that is.
Bibiana tells him she has her heart racing.
Bri the sports reporter throws him softball.
Britnee puts a bumper sticker on his butt, because why not?
I miss the next few because they weren’t that memorable and went to fast.
Krystal does some weird meditation thing with him.
More intros that go too fast….
Beckah-with-akah shows up in a classic car.
Jenna wants to take over the world with him.
Jessica gives him a gratitude rock….so she thinks he is Charlie Brown? At least he can say he got a rock.
More intros with nothing exciting.
Becca has him do a fake proposal.
Lauren S. is super nervous.
Lauren J. gives him jumbo Mardi Gras beads.
Lauren B. is the third Lauren.
Lauren G. is Lauren #4.
Ashley gives him a finish line flag.
Brittany T. tells him he is handsome in Dutch.
Amber is a spray tan company owner who sees a lot of dicks and hopes he isn’t one himself.
Ali has him smell her armpits..because it is the best pit stop of his life.
Annaliese shows up dressed up as a kissing bandit.
Manuel shows up in an actual racer.
Chelsea is pissed because Maquel interrupts them to take selfies. The girls all take turns trying to get his attention and Brittany even gets a kiss! Let the claws be released!
He gets serenaded, food… and a pedicure? I guess it’s Jenna’s turn to channel Six from Blossom because she is all over the place.
There is literally nothing exciting about any of this. At all. Just the same complaining, whining and interrupting of time.
The highlight for me is the girl who drew a picture of him and give it to him as a gift….hey, if all else fails, she can be a sketch artist for Unsolved Mysteries if they bring it back.
They look more like they are walking into an execution than a rose ceremony. He tells the girls that if they don’t get a rose, they are still amazing, but he doesn’t see it working out….and that’s tough.
Becca, Marikh, Kendall, Lauren G, Krystal, Bekah, Lauren S, Seinne, Caroline, Brittany, Bibiana, Annaliese, Jenna, Valerie, Jacqueline, Jenny, Lauren B, Ashley, Tia and Maquel all get roses. We as a whole get a counting lesson, thanks to the final rose. We also get to see Chris again for whole thirty seconds!
Olivia, Bri, Ali, Brittane, Amber, Jessica, Nysha, and Lauren J.
Jessica is upset because her father actually met Arie at one point when he was alive. She wanted them to meet again…and what? Was she going to break out the Ouija board and have them chat?
Amber thinks her family is going to be so disappointed that she is going home….and if that makes you a disappointment, then maybe you all need to reevaluate life.
The end clip has Arie and Sean playing rose ceremony and hugging….and can we just have a season with Bachelor Bromances?
More next week! Stay tuned.