America's Next Top Model
Who Would Have Thunk
By Cher

It’s the second to last America's Next Top Model and who would have thunk that the show would have made it this far for so many seasons?  And that the winners would cause such a stir in the real modeling world?  Maybe for the first question, ha ha for the second.  You know you aren’t producing any real modeling talent when the most memorable winner is known for marrying that Brady kid.  But then again, it’s reality TV, where talent looks its way, yawns, and then runs in the opposite direction.

Tyra Mail!  Let’s not skirt the issue, the competition is getting fierce.  Yep, it’s hula time and the girls go to the beach where they see some lovely hula dancers who all of sudden stop their beautiful dance and go into full on ghetto booty shaking mode.  Hey, does anybody remember Tyra’s single “Shake Ya Booty?”  Naw, me neither.  The girls meet with Anna-Rita, dance instructor who is the love child of Rosie Perez and Shelia E.  Seriously. She will teach the girls the art of Hula Hip Hop.  Erin interviews that “I should win” because “I was a cheerleader.”  Self-esteem issues indeed.  The girls go off to practice and Erin takes the lead, bossing everyone around and instructing them on how to do things.  She interviews “if you don’t know the dance at least Look like you know the dance” which makes zero sense to me cause seeing is believing in dance.  But then again, I wasn’t a cheerleader so I’m no as good as her.

Time for the competition.  The girls will have to each perform a dance with hula dancers, then do a solo in the middle.  And Miss J is one of the judges because, as we’ve seen this year, budget don’t allow for good guests.  The winner will enjoy a 5 day all expenses paid trip to Maui, where they are at, like, right now.  But they will stay at the Four Seasons and I’ve been to one of their hotels.  Beds ain’t the most comfortable.  This is called the “biggest prize so far”, but compared to previous seasons, where girls got diamonds, meh.  Jennifer is first and does good with hula, but bad at hip-hop.  Erin rocks the hula but her solo dance is too angry and sad.  Laura does good overall and Nicole…just sucks, but we expected it.  In the end Laura wins and with a “Thank you Jesus” she chooses Jennifer to go on the trip with her.  Erin is pissed but we all kinda expected it.

Tyra Mail!  If the pressure makes you feel like you want to explode (or was it just rotten poi?)  Not so fast.  Timing is everything.  In case you didn’t get it from that oh so apropos clue, the girls will be standing on a rock, with waves crashing behind them, and will be posing as Pele.  Okay, that has nothing to do with exploding but what’s that you say?  You LOVE soccer?  Actually it’s Pele, Hawaiian Goddess of volcanos.  O-----kay.  But here’s the twist, two girls are going home.  Whoo hoo!

First up is Jennifer and she keeps on losing her face.  Nicole looks great and rocked it but c’mon, girl can’t take a bad picture to save her life and she’s one of the tallest at 5’7.  Which proves my points, that short people got no reason to model.  Laura looks so much like Rachel Hunter it’s killing me and make-up is seriously her best friend.  She does alright.  Erin looks pretty but starts snarling and looking annoyed

Time for judging.  Erin looks gorgeous but a bit too peeved.  Jennifer looks pretty but her mouth is catching some serious flies and she lost her face again.  It’s always in the last place you look, dear.  Laura is compared to Rachel Hunter (see?  I told ya so!) and Miss J calls her a “gold tooth in a mouth full of decay” which no one, including myself quite knows how to take.  Nicole is stunning.  Again.

After deliberations, it’s time for eliminations and Nicole is called first….so who gets to compete in the finale against Nicole?  It’s Laura!  Whoo hoo!  Erin takes this badly and says “it sucks”.  Of course.  They do a flashback of all Jennifer’s poses and girl is a serious mouth breather.  Yeah, I’ve been using the word “serious” a lot this recap.  I think I’m going to try and copy write it like Trump tried to do with “Your Fired!”  I could make royalties.  Okay, I’m broke so reaching out here.  Anyhoo, we are down to the final two!

Next week on America's Next Top Model:  The Finale.  Finally!

Comments (3)

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erin
written by alicja, November 15, 2009

erin is ugly

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written by gloria, November 16, 2009

alicja can we see your picture please

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!!....
written by Holly Hobbs, November 16, 2009

Dear America's next top model,
I love this show... i watch it every time it comes on!!!

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