America's Next Top Model
Few Kind Words
by Cher

It’s the latest America's next Top Model and we have five girls left.  Erin is upset because she was in the bottom two (again).  Sundai wonders why Erin is here, and I agree but I also wonder why Sundai is here.  Either one can be kicked off and I’d be happy.  But it doesn’t take much these days….pat on the head…few kind words and I’m good.  But I’d better with both of these girls gone.  Yeah.  I’m bitter.

Tyra Mail!  You never know what can come to shore (Syringes?  Bodies?  Beached whales?), you’d better look appropriate.  Sundai talks that she has had a rough childhood, and was a foster kid. She interviews that modeling is her only shot at doing something which is odd cause, she’s cute, and well-spoken but like…5’3”?  So, I would suggest an education, hon.  Meanwhile, rough childhoods are set aside because it’s Laura’s 20th birthday!  Jen and Erin give her spam and eggs, and Laura interviews that she went from “castrating bulls to modeling.”  To which I say, there’s a difference?  Anyhoo, she’s excited and eats her lovely breakfast.

The girls go to a beach and meet Marissa Miller, Victoria’s Secret model and flavor of the moment until someone else comes along.  She tells the girls that she is “only 5’8” and that makes her a petite model.  Um…yeah.  She shows them a series of poses, all of which consist of sticking her boobs and butt out.  The girls are told to go into the water, get wet, then roll around in sand and pose in a shower.  Marissa shows again how to pose by again, sticking out sexy bits of her, thus turning one the two straight guys who watch the show.  The rest of us care less.

But it’s time for more beach fun.  Nigel is back because the cheap production this year isn’t allowing for guests.  The girls will be diving into the water from a cliff and will only get one shot, from a guy on a boat.  So it’s “go jump off a cliff”…literally, which is kind of fun.  Laura bravely volunteers to go first because she’s 20 now, led a good life, and is unafraid of dying.  She does pretty good, Erin poses oddly but does well, Nicole turns to the side and Marissa notes that she was going the wrong way.  Sundai and Jennifer both do okay.  In the end Nicole is the winner and wins chocolate colored (not covered) pearls but gets to choose a friend to get additional frames next photo shoot and they in turn choose a friend, and so on and so on, until there is one girl left who is shut out.  Gee….wonder who that will be?  Nicole chooses Sundai, who chooses Laura, who chooses Jenn and Erin is the cheese that stands alone.  She interviews “okay.  Whatever” but then whines a lot.

Time for the next photo shoot.  Scuba diving.  I guess it ain’t over until one of the beotches has a near death drowning experience.    The girls will pose underwater, scuba divers will be underwater as well, and they will have a regulator that the girls can use.  Laura freaks out at first but comes up, gets some critique and with the help of her additional frames, rocks it.  Sundai is asthmatic and complains about a ear problem and floats too close to the surface.  Nicole rocked it every which way (again),  Jennifer did awesome as well and Erin doesn’t do all that great, stays too close to the surface and whines again about not getting the extra frames.  Oh Erin, perhaps if you were…well…nicer?  Nah.

Tyra Mail!  Someone’s going to sink to the bottom!  Nobody of interest is on the panel and nothing is new so it’s time for individual evaluations.  Sundai looked taller but lost her face and was limited because she stayed to the surface.  Laura was gorgeous but her face was off.  Jennifer looked great and she’s stays straight, which looks great but Marissa says she doesn’t like it (probably because she didn’t stick her boobs and butt out).  Nicole’s picture is awesome as usual but her legs look weird.  Erin is too close to the surface and doesn’t look strong.

After deliberations we have eliminations but first of all I have to note that Top Models in Action this week featured one of my all time favorites Fatima and that she moved to Europe and is doing rocking awesome.  Yeah!  Anyhoo, the girls are eliminated until we have Sundai and Erin left and in the end Sundai goes home and it’s all very sad for her, but truthfully she wasn’t a great model so it’s over.

Next week on America's Next Top Model:  Hula dancing!

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