|
America's Top Model
Blinded by the Light
It’s the latest America's Next Top Model and we’re back at the house where we get a huge picture of Elina, that says “racially ambiguous, unique, stunningly beautiful” to which I might add “sexually ambiguous” and “psycho” except that I’m too nice and I personally don’t think she really is a psycho since she’s not fun enough and psychos are fun at parties. Marjorie and Analeigh are talking about how worried they are when Hannah sticks her little Alaskan nose in and tells them to stop the “pity party.” I’m sorry, didn’t she have her own little pity party a couple of weeks ago when someone called her rascist? Go back to Alaska babe, oh and Hannah can go back too. Awww…..you all knew what I was talking about right?
“Oh my gosh, blindfolded? I just learned to walk yesterday and now I’m going to be blindfolded?”
- Hannah (slow learner) Tyra Mail! Tomorrow your model dreams could end up in the gutter. Ooohh, it could be sooo many things. I’m actually thinking they’ll all model as social rejects, who babble to themselves and end up behind the local 7-11 absentmindedly scratching and drooling on themselves. However, Analeigh, always the pragmatic one believes they will be walking down bowling alley runways. I guess…that could work too…but mine is more fun. And probably a bit more internalized. Just don’t take the blue pill, is all I’m saying. I speak from experience. It is indeed a bowling alley that the girls go to and out comes Miss J spraying shoes. The girls all get bowling alley high heel shoes and are told to walk down the bowling alley. That’s going to be scary slippery y’all. The girls all walk Miss J criticizes them all, though it looks really dangerous. He’s taking the cranky pills, not the fun ones. The girls all practice their walk back at the house and Isis says how Hannah needs a lot of practice. Like either of them have a actual shot at winning this thing. The racist or the tranny as a Cover Girl? Not happening my friends.
Tyra Mail! You think you have this competition in the bank, you might be walking right out of it. The girls are taken to their runway challenge at a vintage bank here they will wear the clothing of Jeremy Scott, who looks like he’s never left 1988. Frankie Say DATED! They are taken to hair and makeup where they will be made to look like cat burglars with….blindfolds. WTF? Jay and Ann Shoket show up, where they announce that the winner will be in Seventeen for some 15-year old designer from Russia. Oh and one of the girls will be eliminated on the spot. The girls learn they can see a little out of the blindfolds but it’s still pretty damn dark. First up is Elina and Analeigh who do a good job. Samantha raises her dress and it sucks. The rest of the girls follow, it’s should be noted that McKee had to walk in a dress with the curtain rod still attached. Yeah. Remember that old Carol Burnett Gone with the Wind sketch? It looked like that only Jeremy Scott was serious. Da do do do Jeremy. Da da da da. After the runway it’s time for individual critiques and many of the girls did good. The winner is Josylyn, who the judges just love, and I wish her no ill will cause she seems like a nice person, but many of the girls were better. McKee was robbed y’all. A CURTAIN ROD! She worked a freakin’ CURTAIN ROD! Joslyn chooses Isis and Sheena to the photo shoot. The judges deem Hannah the worst and she is sent home with little fanfare to have her own little pity party.
Tyra Mail! This competition is deep. Some will rise above and some will fall under. And some will flail about wildly while sharks eat their legs. I made up the last part but I would totally love a Jaws photo shoot. As long as the sharks were real. With friggin’ laser beams attached to their heads. Before the shoot we get nasally Whitney’s Cover Girl commercial who calls herself the “next big thing.” Is that some kind of fat joke? Anyhoo it’s back to the house where the girls are all fast asleep and are woken up by Mr. J who tells them the shoot will be taken place at the house. The shoot is from the nose up in the water so the girls can “smile with their eyes.” Isis is worried because of the bikini bottom but since this is face shot, I don’t get it. We also learn that Nigel is the photographer in a wet suit. And I feel nothing, Proof positive he’s lost it. McKee is up first and does okay. Joslyn sputters a lot and can’t swim. Clark does well and was flirting with Nigel. Marjorie is great and has great moves. Isis is still nervous about her bottom (WHICH IS NOT EVEN SHOWING!) She doesn’t do well. Analeigh does good, finally. Sheena is so Mulan it’s killing me, she does wonderfully. Lauren Brie is good. Elina gets “stuck” in her poses. Samantha goes all animal and it works.
Tyra Mail! Someone’s bait! In the elimination room, Tyra is wearing a Glad Bag and way too much eyeliner and we get Jeremy “Relax Don’t Do It” Scott as a guest judge. He looks pissed. Tyra talks about how SHE came up with the idea because she was on vacation with a friend of hers and they shot themselves that way. Genius! Time for individual evaluations:
Sheena’s shot is gorgeous. Joslyn couldn’t swim and her eyes were too big. Marjorie looks awesome and broken dollish. Lauren Brie, they love everything she does. Isis’s shot is really bad and was too busy worrying about her bits and pieces. Clark’s picture is great and I have to agree. McKee’s shot is awesome and intense but they don’t like her hand. Elina’s shot, they don’t like it but I think it looks great. Analeigh’s shot is great with a lot of leg. Finally we get Samantha who takes a great shot that looks like her hand is floating on the water. Jeremy “Dancing with Myself” Scott berates her for lifting up her dress in the fashion show. And pretty much calls her a stripper and poor Samantha looks like she’s going to cry.
Because they got rid Cover Girl of the Week because too many people were voting for the right girls instead of the losers who end up winning this thing, we get Top Models In Action, which showcases all of the runner-ups over the years who actually have modeling careers instead of the losers who end up winning this thing. This week it’s Chantel, who lost to Saleisha, who’s now modeling in LA. Anybody remember Saleisha?
After deliberations, we get eliminations and the first one called is Clark, so unfortunately we get her picture up in the house next week. And then we’re finally down to Isis, who never really stood a chance but was a good sport at being exploited and Samantha who I kind of like just because I like they way she uses “freakin’” to describe everything and Isis is sent home to save enough money to get her extra pieces removed.
Next week on America's Next Top Model: The girls all try to give Marjorie some self-esteem by ganging up on her! Surely this will go well!
Related news items:
Newer news items:
Older news items:
Share This Post
|
Subscribe to this comment's feed
